My life has changed in so many ways that makes me so confuse, wary and daze. I always dreamed and wanted to do something on my own. When a part of my dream is true, am scared more than determined? I lack confidence and so puzzled. I was not that type of girl. What’s bothering me then? Ah! A lot of questions running in my mind and I could only get the answer is change.
I’ve always wanted to be alone in the crowd and when I am, I look for someone to be by my side and guide; just like when you were small and your mom holds your hand and guide you each day. Now I miss that touch, waiting, hoping and praying that she will come to me in some way. I am far away from her, but still I can feel her love for me and so blessed. I never felt these things when I was with her. Now I do feel and the answer again is the change.
I used to tell my friends and family everything will be okay when they were having their rough times. Now when I am having my rough period, I wish and want those people to tell me everything will be okay. Now I can feel the change in me.
I miss other people as well who will never know what they mean to me and it breaks my heart while thinking that it will take ages or I will never see them. I’ve never felt these things in my life before, but the change in me makes me realize. I used to feel lonely, but I never shown my loneliness and used to ignore such feeling. I do feel lonely at times, but now I feel something different, something which made me feel that it was unconditional and reserved for me only. I think differently now and again the answer is change.
My friends always stood by me, faithful, strong, true and till the bitter end I could always count on them. Now am here alone, realizing what together means and what you’ve all have done for me. I miss everything and every single moment of how my life used to be. Things were different there and it’s so hard to see them again.
In a way it’s very good, you know? You will learn things and that’s what I wanted always, a change in me makes me think out of the box. I spent years and learnt nothing, here I just had one or two months without you all and I learned many things. I’ve never used to think what my family gave me or their expectation from me. But now before I do anything I think of those expectations, I think of how much they gave to me, I think of how much they love me and I think of how much they had saved for me. Isn’t this a change in me, from a few dad’s girl to a grown up girl?
I never understood how much life hurts without you all here. But now I understood life moves on without you here as well. May be a part of my dream came true to make me understand the values of all which I used to ignore, to understand the value of time, which teaches you as well as slaps you tightly, to understand the change in me which made me realize as what I am now, “A different me”.