Womanhood​ or Taboo?

Menstruation, 4-7 days of pain. Is it a just a natural cycle every period or a taboo? In Nepal, menstruation means impurity of menstrual blood, girls/ women turns into untouchable or even isolation.

I was surfing youtube and randomly found this video where it talks about the reactions of the people on menstruation. The video is more about how do people think about it? What are their perspectives? Are there any changes among people?

[Vid Source: Channel Arbitrary

After watching this video, I would like to share my own thoughts.

Menstruation is just a cycle of womanhood and not just the body, but the mind needs rest as well. Now talking about the rituals that I have in my house is not different from those uneducated people or villagers. My mom doesn’t allow me to touch my dad or even enter his room, no access to kitchen and prayer’s room and apart from that, there are so many other things that she doesn’t allow or makes me do, or makes me cautious about.

Me, yes, I am an educated girl and yet I am helpless to bring in change. I fail. I am no different from uneducated people. Not that I haven’t tried at all; I always fail in spite of many attempts to bring change or persuade my mom. My mom, she is so blinded by all those stupid religious aspects that she doesn’t want to know or listen, so getting aware is way too far for her. I get frustrated every time when I get my periods because of these stupid norms. I feel really happy to see the change among some of us who has started to giving access and doesn’t discriminate anymore. But I feel sad when I cannot explain my mom and change. I feel really bad for not being able to do anything or rebel. I certainly wish her to understand and bring in change. I definitely want to end this and take menstruation as a natural process of the body towards womanhood.

I feel helpless but I will not stop trying.

Living Defective Piece

2017, super excited for a new day, new endeavors, new journeys, resolutions, plannings and a whole new year. But life doesn’t always turn out the way one planned or the way one once thought of. And that exactly happened with me. Despite all the plans, excitement and positiveness, everything seems not right for me. From the beginning of 2017, my health got deteriorated and thought of analyzing my body, head to toe.

  • Brain, not damaged but have a problem of overthinking and getting lost.
  • Hair, massive problem of hair loss. I used to have a long and thick hair and since I’m into medicines, it’s a goodbye.
  • Eyes, a gone case with myopia.
  • Nose, always running and itchy with pollen allergy.
  • Teeth, one down, and so many waiting.
  • Ear, am aging up so do my hearing ability (not exhilarating)
  • Skin, extremely sensitive and dead
  • Throat, tonsil is my best friend for life
  • Breast, have a record of having lump and it’s still there (so far its normal)
  • Abdominal and lower area: Do not have the gall bladder. A problem with lower stomach area hence periods problem.
  • Deficiencies of vitamin d, hemoglobin, iodine, iron
  • Nails cracks
  • Leg, a ligament is torn twice.

Wooooo, I am speechless myself. I have problems from head to toe. No wonder I am one hell defective piece, a living defective piece.

Trillion millions of thoughts!

As the subject states, I have a very noisy mind. I often wander around many thoughts and end up nowhere. And another thing is, I usually have so many questions and never understood “Why?” questions. I am not sure how much will I make sense while questioning myself of that stuff that I encounter around me or related to myself or others. It could be absolutely rubbish and nonsense or it could be something very outstanding and intelligent.

Well, from here on, I will be posting all those questions that I’ve never understood. Help me if anyone reading this can answer me or relate. If you think I am just being noisy and wasting my time then let it be because I barely get the guts to question or at least express myself.

And yes, I am not just gonna ask why but will be asking/mentioning other stuff as well. So here I go 😉

#1. Why is it so difficult to get the answers of “Why?”?

#2. Why am I writing this?

#3. Why am I so bad in reading and writing?

#4. Why do brides over makeup on their special day and look ugly rather pretty?
(Sorry no offense but I seriously do not get this :/)

#5. Why do brides cry their heart out on her wedding day and comes back home smiling the next day, as if it wasn’t her crying the other day?

#6. Why do boys always blame girls and vice versa?
(Has anyone won ever?)

#7. Why do people change and is never ready to admit it?

#8. Why girls have to get married early?

#9. Why do people talk about others?

#10. Why do girls overly express herself out and boys just do not express at all?

#11. Why do inferior thoughts take over you and block the other ways?

#12. Why it is hard to win over negativity?

#13. Why did I even make such habit that now it’s so hard to let go?

#14. Why people do not respect other’s choice/s?

#15. Why the ego is greater than anything else?

#16. Why educated people cannot properly act like educated people?

#17. Why are people so much worried about society?

#18. When someone says the truth and becomes very straight and honest then why on one around him/her? Why does it make that person lonely?

#19. When someone wants to do something but his/her ego stops that person, why does ego alway win?

#20. Why do we always understand the importance of the loved ones when they are far?

#21. Being a girl myself, I never understood, how can one dress so lightly in winters when they have to go to a party?
(heaps of wedding parties around and I see girls wearing nude blouse and sari. I cannot, I need thick clothes haha)

#22. Beauty lies in beholder’s eyes. Is that for the eyes only or heart as well?

#23. Can someone actually like an ugly looking person but got a beautiful heart inside as his/her companion? Can that person be real?

#24. Why do poems sounds very nice when they rhyme?

#25. We cannot count stars but why is it so much fun just by gazing at them?

#26. As one grow old, why the fear grows along?

#27. Why do things for which one has to hide, lie or fear about?

#28. Why do vernalised trees look so beautiful?

#29. When reserved, nothing comes out and when close enough, one is like an open book but there is no in between. How one should deal with it?

#30. Everybody, even lunatic people realize things about their life and act on it; but why is that I’m so behind without any realization and if there are any chances of realization then why cannot I act on it at all?

#31. Addition to #30, If it is about willingness and determination then why don’t I have it? Despite the effort of developing it, why do I fail each time?

#32. One hides the true feeling on what s/he wants to do and creates this push and pull game for no reason. Why?

#33. People say I care but do they really care?

#34. What’s fake and real marriage?

#35. Why do people drift away so easily when one is less interested in what they are talking about?

#36. Why kids these days are so smart?

#37. What is the end?

#38. Does end mean end life only?

#39. Can I ever be able to live free and happy?

#40. Why is it so wrong to be right?

#41. Why you gotta be the sweet bitch to get your voice heard?

#42. Why do one get so much cranky when on periods?

#43. What should one do when s/he is really frustrated?

#44. Why do down syndrome people look alike? (is it just me? is it too offensive to ask?)

#45. Could it be the betrayal? Playing around with me?

#46. Unrequited Love, strange, funny and very very very tiring yet why do one fall for it time and again? Why one do not learn or do something about it?

#47. Why pretending always work? Why pretending is easy and also makes people around you happy and unnoticed?

#48. Why do one randomly dislike an unknown person?

#49. One does clearly realize on the path s/he moving and knows very well that it’s a wrong choice, yet goes on and on until s/he gets hurt. Why?

#50. When someone cannot ask for the claims s/he wants to then it hurts himself/ herself with all the unnecessary insecurities. How can that be fixed?

…… more to come!

[Song Pick] James Arthur – Say You Won’t Let Go

I had not heard of James Arthur nor his songs. I was just surfing youtube and randomly clicked one the videos and BAM! that sound of the guitar, already liked the song (haha crazy me). Now giving it a try, when I heard the whole song, dang, the lyric is so sweet. I just melted down. This song is like every girl’s perfect dream. But at the same time, this song can relate to love, friends, family, and loss. This song has the ability to resonate with everyone right down to the core.

Here’s the lyrical video:

 

And, here is the official video:

 

Enjoy!

Fear

Fear, I don’t know from where to start but, the fear inside me mostly comes true. I do wanna let it out, share, talk about and seek help if needed. It sounds simple, right? Also sounds, ‘I know what to do to overcome’, ain’t it? But, it’s not simple as it sounds.

I always make circles of thoughts and overthink and hence, I never overcome my fear. Sometimes I feel like I don’t want to and sometimes I feel like I am desperate as hell. Why does this happen? Why can’t I just follow my heart and act rationally while I am extremely aware of what’s going on?

Fear it is, I guess I can never defeat!

Acoustic, Mash up and Cover songs

I simply love an acoustic version of songs and covers. And yeah, if there are some narrations in a captivating voice, then it’s like a cherry on the top <3. Haha

Let me share few links of my taste,

[Cr.Megan Davies]

[Cr.Megan Davies]

[Cr. Louisa Wendorff]

People who follow me knows, how much i boast around one of my fav people who cover songs (Nepali, English, and Hindi) beautifully as well as he got his own awesome songs.

Check out his songs on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/saral-carkey (Do not forget to follow :D)

Also, you can subscribe to his Youtube channel at www.youtube.com/saralmark

Here comes another friend (also one of my fav people 😀 ), who cover songs addictively melodious. He loves to play with the songs and add his touch. He also composes his own songs but never been shared on any online platform. But trust me he’s got talent. Do not have many but few of his covers can be found on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/casualplays

Please do not forget to follow and encourage him to post more covers and originals.

So enjoy this much for now and I shall share more of song picks of my choice 😉

Being Watched

I am on a silent mode again. 

This time, it’s not just from the words not popping out my head but also from being conscious. I am conscious about people around me, being watched and this is keeping me away from expressing my thoughts as well. 

Yesterday, I had this tiny conversation with my friend and he said, the hesitation comes from the moment you start to thinking about “right and wrong” and “the people’s perspective”. That struck me and I realised, damn! my thoughts still revolve around others. I do not much care about “right and wrong” but do care about on what will people think and their perspective.

I always believed in different minds having a different perspective and do intake very well. But, when it comes to your thoughts, in spite of taking in perspective well, I am more concerned about how will the other take in after that. It is absolutely no need to match with mine and I am fine with it (respecting different perspectives). However, I am concerned about what after that? How will they see, take in and respond?

I really need to work on this and overcome this fear, fear of being conscious.